Looking For A Face

Coming Home

2007-02-27T23:06:00.000-05:00

We live in a small world with big problems.

A small world where anyone with right kind of paperwork can travel anywhere in the world.

How do we win a war in a far away land where the rules of war are not the same and the characters we fight view death as victory?

Tonight I watched the Bob Woodruff piece "To Iraq and Back " on ABC.

The piece rattled me.

Within me it exposed some of my casual views on war.

War, we live with it in our media but do we live with it in our minds?

I fall asleep worrying about mostly inconsequential things but the spouses, mothers and fathers worrying for their soldiers...

The Woodruff piece really challenged my thinking.

I have heard people say "It is sad that we are losing soldiers but not that many are dying compared to some of the great battles..."

Casual thinking about war.

I have seen trauma in the back of an ambulance fresh off a scene and trauma on the way to a long term rehab center...

Have I seen war trauma? Do we see much of it except for the finality of death at clips from funerals?

Woodruff's piece highlighted the fact that less soldiers are dying. Death makes the headlines but the thousands of young service men and women suffering from battle injury is exponential and it is far away from American awareness. (From Iraq and Afghanistan numbers: 23,000 non fatal injuries - 200,000 have gone to V.A. for care).

The "Second Fight:" Taking care of our veterans at home.

The decisions that our nation's leaders are tremendous. Is right to send into war and not always provide the resources for recovery?

America has incredible war technology.

America has incredible life saving war medicine.

But what quality of life do some of the survivors have?

Is their pain our pain?

Woodruff's personal story and his investigation into Traumatic Brain Injury and the way vets are treated challenged my perception of the war and socked me in gut... the experiences of the wounded and their family. What a price they pay - how can we help them carry this burden?

it is hard to be poor in a plastic society

2007-02-11T21:49:00.000-05:00

CHAPTER 1
walking out of the door of big g's in A2 after making some purchases for class a lady approached me asking for money - she gave me an explanation of why she had no money and why she needed money - her speech was slurred and she assured this wasn't no game

i told her i only had a few bucks (4) but i would take her anywhere she needed and offered to take her into Kroger to purchase groceries with her but she did not like that idea

she put out her ciagarete and loaded into the car

she told me she was diabetic and that explained some of her behavior and indecision and sluggish nonverbal activity.

our journey the next 5-10 minutes only took us a few blocks here and there

we went to several stops in the neighborhood but she continued to want to move on someplace to look for solutions- i asked her if her sugar was low and she said yes - we pulled through McD's

our next stop was Kroger
said a short prayer for her
parked
she finished her McD's
she asked me if i wanted some R&B CDs but then she coughed a chuckle - "you probably don't listen to that kinda music." i told her she needed her music for her-not sure what she wanted to do with her music.
i dropped her off at the door offering to help her make some purchases but she said she had another plan- spoke my hope that she finds what she needs - that she finds what she needs today

CHAPTER 2
diaper dasher
in my younger days when i chummed around chicago with street dwellers and cons i was so optimistic that whatever it was i was doing would be the moment - be that something that gave them the momentum to escape. even the time when i got tricked into purchasing the biggest most expensive (took all the money i had!) pack of diapers - as soon as i handed the money at the counter the guy took off with the diaper pack, the pack was half as big as him and he barely fit through the revolving door- so much for meeting his wife and baby... later found out that diapers and baby formula are two very powerful pieces of merchandise on the street.

at one point when K and I were discussing money i blurted out that i hate money - not in a hateful way - i think she understood what i was saying for the both of us - i told her she was financially unlucky to cross my path - our eyes connected

why is it awkward to talk about money? why in america is there such a connection between money and our heart?

i speak for K, the diaper dasher and all my friends that once lived within Lower Wacker:

CHAPTER 3
it is hard to be poor in a plastic society
it is even harder to be poor in a rich country

my gaze and heart have been fixed on third world places
when i worked in Emergency Medical Services i practically gave up believing that this nation would resolve OUR poverty issue, resolve the way sick people are cared for

been considering the universal picture
the scope of where i am and who i am and what
what i can do - i have direction - it is the same direction it was - the course has not changed only the vehicle (me)
the misadventures of pooh are over
"click" in my mind and heart - i know this - nothing is amiss

streets are places to take is from one place to another- streets are different on days like today for K - STREET is all the places moms like K have to go looking for an opportunity to survive - survive one day at a time - even the streets of a city more suburban than urban

i am home now - my hands are still cold even after a few moments of typing and pounding out my thoughts - must toughen my 5 senses - discontinue my plastic, casual, misadventures

the car smells like old cigarette smoke and street

Jesus smelled like street
he wouldn't dis somebody in a parking lot on a cold day
i saw her coming - i still have great street radar - i know what was coming - first thought was duck into car and get going
instead
a trip into K's world and a heavy dose of healthy introspection:

Jesus people should smell like street...not plastic

BACK

2007-02-08T21:43:00.000-05:00

BACK: Back to blogging and something else is back...

LOST: While watching the preview part of LOST's return my frustration
with this tele tale became clarified. I have never really been a hater in fact generally I love (strange string of words) the show because of its imaginative potential, the complex, messed up grossly beautiful and relationally clumsy characters. Rather than being a snob - with and the amount of TV Americans consume- why shouldn't we feel like media critics - tis the way of journalism these days - editorialization.

Sorry about the tanget...

LOST captured my imagination in the past because the story was wide open - all things were new - faces, places, back stories. The early episodes stretched my appetite and the story was filling. Lately there HAVE BEEN MORE ANSWERS - don't always like the answers but the story has been narrowing and familiarity - yes familiarity has caused some of us know it alls some furious frustration. (I would rather be furious than blah.)

LOST: Live together or die alone
At this point in the storyline frustration comes naturally because 3 of the central characters are captive or hunted. This is a pinch point in the tale and at this bottleneck, the preasure is building. Hopefully the tension will not be lost on us.

C-Webb

2007-01-15T23:58:00.000-05:00

What number will C-Webb play with for the Pistons?

Joe D.: "Ok ok ok Chris, you can have my number 4 if you come play for us."

Webber: "Nah, can't wear your number. I want a ring."

It seems that he came even easier than the Rasheed steal that happened almost 3 years ago. Will offically celebrate when he clears waivers.

I am excited. Was a huge Fab-5 fan. I know that part of U-M history has been wipped out with shame. If I remember right Webber got booed at the Palace his first return after his name was all over the booster bust. I confess he was in my doghouse but I have always followed his career as far away from Detroit as he traveled. He is back and this is a powerful moment for Webber to retire on a positive note with the best sports franchise in the US.

Tons of incredible memories watching the Fab-5 games with my Grandpa. The freshmen and sophomore title games. Ugh the timeout. Way more rich memories than frustration. Chris, Jalen, Juan, Jimmy, Ray....Eric Riley, Rob Pelinka, Dugan Fife...

It will be cool to see C-Webb in Pistons red white and blue no matter what number he wears.

(Rumors of trade with T-Wolves for Jaric - PLEASE don't get rid of Antonio. The other bigs can go. Oh and J. Max is untouchable so don't even think I was including him in the bigs that can go!)

Detroit does need a guard.

Bye Nazr!

Bond or Bauer

2007-01-15T00:05:00.000-05:00

Bond or Bauer? (NO GIVEAWAYS I PROMISE-JUST TEASERS!)

I recently watched the new Bond flick. Good movie. Entertaining.

Not long after walking out of the cinema I wondered Bond or Bauer. Jack Bauer for those unfamiliar with L.A. CTU super agent. Obviously this is a question rooted in a fictional reality. So this is a fictional argument.

I was torn until tonight.

The beginning of another of day of 24. A four-hour, 2-night premiere.

I pick...

Bauer.

Jack Bauer.

The man escaped by bitting one of his captors in the neck and not letting go until the bad guy wasn’t getting any fresh blood to his brain.

Jack spit the carotid artery out when it was over.

I know Bond’s jewels got banged with a mooring line and he didn’t lose his sense of humor – “scratch my balls” was a clever conversation. Bond is a legend and now we get to see Daniel Craig establish the making of a legend. A fresh new start.

Back to Bauer. He is reckless and less physically impressive than the classic bond. He sure ain’t pretty. Day six seems hopeless as the potential for carnage is anywhere and everywhere. Exponential deaths are not happening all at once but an exponential body count is racking up all over the country. It is a weak time for America and a faint Jack Bauer. A shell of the Jack he once was.

Bond is royal.

Bauer is noble.

Bond is metro.

Bauer is macho.

Bond is smooth.

Bauer is forceful.

Bond is cunning.

Bauer is resourceful…

I cannot pick the winner in a hand fight or a shoot out. Both are incredibly lucky when running under fire. Bond has incredible gadgets and Bauer is able to draw the maximum potential out of resources and populace. Bond smooth talks and Bauer inspires. Both face battles within western paradigm and the worldview of the extreme. Bond represents class and Bauer is character.

Bauer flanks Bond.

Bond gets the job done and there is always some sort of personal payoff at the end wether it is payback or pleasure.

Bauer gets the job done and has less and less at the end of the day.

Bond will live forever but it takes how many guys to be him?

Bauer will burn out but endure.

21.50 Million Pixels

2007-01-11T12:18:00.000-05:00

22 Megapixel Medium Format Digital SLR Wonder!

Becks!

2007-01-11T11:15:00.000-05:00

Some very cool soccer news! David Beckham will be coming to America to play for MLS team L.A. Galaxy.

The move has been talked about for months now.

MLS adjusted its salary cap system to allow clubs some financial liberty to attract big dollar players.

The cost for Becks: 250 million over 5 years. I do not think that the price tag is just for his playing skill. He has huge marketing power ecspecially in a big market city. He should draw crowds to the stadiums. Not sure about tele ratings.

It will be interesting to see where he plays on the field. He would make a midfield that already has Landon Donovan and wily vet Cobi Jones dynamic. Lots of entertaining possibilities!

I hope that he has a positive impace on the sport in the states and that his name doesn't overshadow the sport. I hope that he can remain content and stay fit.

Late summer/early fall road trip to a Chicago Fire v. L.A. Galaxy match anyone?

First Day of School

2007-01-08T12:55:00.000-05:00

LOOKINGFORAFACE: I am entering a period of rebirth. That is the way I am approaching each day anyhow. For the past 6 years I have been investing myself into preserving and prolonging other people's life. It was a very deep and consuming era. Parts of me were carved out and I gained insights into pain and patience and restoration and departure.

Today is a day to begin absorbing life. For more than the past decade I have lived two types of lives: a creative or a technical life. I hope that I have the capacity for the two types to merge. It has taken 28 years for my corpus callosum to unite the types. Creatively I feel a bit in the nether world but I hope my waking and imagining eyes can project enough to my hands so that my craft sharpens and connects with others. It is my desire to continue to invest life in others.

Mike

2007-01-03T03:00:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, a long time friend arrived in Ghana, West Africa

Mike will be working for Mercy Ships and the people of West Africa as the mechanic for the Community Development fleet

This is an awesome adventure for Mike

Pray that God will guide his steps, give him insight and resource to solve mechanical problems and that his awesome variety of gifts will quicken his team and draw the lonely and sick to God - oh and for his parents - I hear moms tend to worry when their boys are off in beautfiul Africa.

To keep up with Mike click on AFRICA MIKE in my links list!

Liverpool Football Making Up Ground

2007-01-02T01:09:00.000-05:00

(CLCK ON IMAGE TO SEE ANIMATION IN ANOTHER WINDOW - ANYBODY KNOW HOW TO MAKE ANIMATED GIFS WORK WITHIN BLOG?)

Liverpool finished 2006 undefeated at home in the Premiership Standings. Despite being 14 points back of Man U. I have optimism going into 2007 as the club climbed into the top three in the Premiership. If the club can get points on the road (where they have grossly failed) and continue their "almost unbeatable Anfield" play they can gain on the leaders. It is a very tight race between the 3-12 teams. With 16 League matches left there is little room for mistake for Liverpool not only to have a real shot at the league but to finish in the top 4.

In Champions League, The Reds, won the group and advanced into the knock out stages. They face a mysterious Barca - first away and then make at Anfield. Eto is injured and there has been some turmoil on the Spainish side. It could be a classic matchup or one side might run away with it. I expect a fight as the Champions from 2005 face the Champions from 2006. If Liverpool doesn't lose any points in the away match they would enter Anfield very confident as historically they have an incredible home record in Champions League Play.

From what I have read the team has tightend defensive form and the attack has finally started getting rewarded for all the quality strikes.

Transfer season loams and there is always intrigue for the potential players and potential money moving around as managers look for solutions. This could be a unique transfer window for Liverpool as the team could be purchased and become one of the richest clubs in the world! Rafa has been resourceful what could he do with some extra currency?

Lastly, it is safe to say that if the players stay healthy and Rafa continues masterfully matching up with all the different clubs Liverpool Football Club can look forward to the possibilities of more significant hardware.

One of my favorite presents...

2006-12-28T09:10:00.000-05:00

Modeling my new headlamp (no photoshop tricks).

Not afraid of the dark!

1095

2006-12-26T02:14:00.000-05:00

Three Years - 1095 Days
A Bond before God
Wedded Connection

Marit
Incredible
Beautiful
Peace
Courage
Healing
Marit - I call her "Love"

Hope to learn some deeper Norwegian to describe her Viking Beauty because she is not from the same world I come from.

Viking Beauty: Calm compass and Gentle Mover

She puts up with all my B.S. and moves on and gives me space to grow on

We grow together Lover
Live together Most Friend
Adventure into Kindred Mission
Together Purpose on the same path, the same mission, part of the same heart

Marit - I call her Love.

"Marit, I love you."

God Bless 1095+

Christmas Traditions Formed and New

2006-12-26T01:29:00.000-05:00

I like to call good traditions FORMED because FORMED sounds like there is more potential compared to OLD traditions.

Formed: Christmas Eve Service at Vineyard

Formed: Christmas Eve Strawberry Shortcake and singing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus. A candle for each of us there.

Formed and GETTING VERY OLD: Begining Christmas at my parents at 7:30 AM. It is my sister's doing. This will hopefully be remedied in the next 363 days or so.

NEW: A Christmas Prayer and Blessing from my Parents. Ma read from Matthew 6 and encouraged us not to be anxious for anything and Pa prayed for each us and our adventures.

Formed: Kind family sharing. Lentz stockings are awesome - Ma had to set them inside gift bags she stuffed them so crazy.

NEW: An Adopted idea- everyone secretly puts the same item in each stocking...it might be common to others but it was new for us and Mom really crammed the goods this year as well-she delivered our stockings to us in gift bags - how American.

Formed: Sprawling morning feast that lasts in sustinance into the late afternoon.

Formed: Multiple Trans-Atlantic phone calls. Lots of Norwegian conversation, a few tears and crying and lots of laughter and hope that paths will cross safe and soon.

NEW: Had a Christmas feast at John, Cathy, Sara and Lily's house.
Eddie, Christina, Trisha, Dirsa, Robert, Anna Grace and Marit and I.
I try not to use the word "fellowship" because I think it is a powerful word - this was sweet fellowship.
Conversation - amazing tastes - lots of laughter - it was a beautiful Christmas night.
Cathy lead us in a discussion for what we are thankful for and John prayed the evening Divine Hours.
Some Presents
Desert
Uker (not sure who won- but lots of chatter - none of it table talk i am sure).
Settlers (Jon won the first game in dominating form and Mark won the second in a tight expansion race).
Like I said - sweet fellowship.

Driving home Marit and I concluded this was an excellent Christmas - somethings formed and somethings new.

Somethings Old and Somethings New

2006-12-25T15:05:00.000-05:00

This year one of my favorite....

Bands was...: Hillsong United - totally new (to me) group/church, they are not really a band and that makes it even richer. Several of their tracks quickly rose into the top 25 most played (top 25 over the last 3 years and counting in iTunes!).

Shows was...: MI5 (Spooks in the UK) Season three was the most daring so far. Many farwells. Very sharp overall production.

Teams...: This was the year I fell in love with Liverpool Football Club. It feels like I have been a supporter my entire life. Such a heritage rich club. I hope I represent them well in America!

Events...: Summer Soccer - an intense 13 Sundays with a mass of young students challenging me physically, creativly and spiritually.

Moments...: Holding my first nephew Andrew Joseph for the first time and holding him again and again and again.....

Experiences was...: Taking part in and witnessing a 15-3-1 WCA Soccer season-the best in school history.

Projects was....: Project Skywalker - an ongoing labor of photographing open sky.

(Aslan Nearby)

So 2006 was a revival year for me.

For a time I just felt like I had been in a spiritual cellar.
(Cel-lar: A room wholly or partly below ground level that is not suitable as living space and is usually used for storage.)
I realized some destructive patterns in my life - one of them being my melancholic tendencies.
Melancholy is part of my design - strength and a weakness. Instead of only a burden or potential defeat I want to use my oft sober insight into others as a strength for them - and an ingredient for victory.
Mel-an-chol-y: thoughtful or gentle sadness.

Joy is a powerful almost must have for revival.
Obsessive or Intense consumption of things that give me "joy" like Pistons, XBOX FIFA, iTunes downloads...In the times I felt cold and under the ice I tried to inflate myself with too much of these. Instead of expierencing JOY I experienced NEED.
I have had much life invested into me. I do not need to be the center of my social world. (I am a boring hub but I know I can invest in the life of others party...)
Now instead of merely getting joy I want to live life in a way that has the potential to GIVE JOY.
I think giving joy is more powerful and more significant than getting joy.
Of course while giving you get some along the way...

Somethings Old and Somethings New How About You?

Almost Over

2006-12-22T01:49:00.000-05:00

Starting Sunday 12/24 "2006 - In no particular order"
Everyone loves lists right?

"Can I take it with me?"

2006-12-20T12:35:00.000-05:00

When Marit and I have been pondering a purchase
or I have been salivating over beautiful screens
a question that continues to come up:

"Can I take it with me?"

Will it fit in my carry on?

Will it break my back (and the bank)?

What is the potential of what I acquire and carry?

Will it work in another country?

This echoes our financial philosophy on the fridge door:
"Do I want the latest and greatest toy or my dream?"
"Do I want to rent that movie or see my dream?"
"Do I want to eat that fancy cheeseburger or have my dream?"

Of course we have some cool toys, stop by Video Palace and eat fancy burgers but these are the questions that we check off. It is often annoying because since I was old enough to understand "no" is not a cool answer. A dream or a vision is greater than a fad and can you take it with you?

Jason Max. No. 54 - Game winning shot...

2006-12-17T22:06:00.000-05:00

Went to a Pistons game with Steve, Dustin and Marit.
Great conversations. Great seats. Great view. Great experience. Nice Piston's win.

On the journey back home Dustin and I picked a 10 man team and the only rule was they had to be active and they could not currently play for the Pistons.

Dustin picked first...

Dustin's Franchise:
Dirk
Shaq
Duncan
Nash
Ginoboli
Gilbert
Melo
Nate Robinson
Rashard Lewis
Jason Kidd

Mark's Franchise:
Lebron
Amare S.
Dwight Howard
D-Wade
C. Paul
Elton Brand
Garnett
Joe Johnson
Jason Richardson
Ridnnor (Frodo)

Dustin and I have not figured out how we are going to pay these guys.
I propose a team tax on all individual endorsements.
Who do you think would win?

stuck in a moment defined:

2006-09-02T09:20:00.000-04:00

when entrapped in a reality of repairing and preparing that I can’t happen
rather than spiraling like a mad dog chasing its tail, destined to vomit
center towards heaven…

Job 16:19 & 20
there must be someone in heaven who knows the truth about me,
in highest heaven, some Attorney who can clear my name – my Champion, my Friend…

my battle prayer for the moment
prayer did not work for me when it only bookmarked my day or prefaced a meal
prayer is air, glucose and light
air, glucose and light seeking Sound from heaven

guilty of praising the past
guilty of romanticizing the future
most guilty of robbing the present

become more constructive and positive with reflection so growth can happen
become more disciplined and faithful with vision and dream so that my future can happen

purge the powers of the pouts for the past

distinguish day dreams of diversion from vision, dream and purpose

stop defying sorts of evolutions
stop resisting Greater creative intention
stop the entropy reign

this!
this is the enucleation of me for Thee!

Psalm 24:3-5
Who can climb Mount God?
Who can scale the holy north-face?
Only the clean-handed,
Only the pure hearted…
God is at their side;
With God’s help they make it.

blog# 21 - time to evolve past pooh

2006-08-06T14:27:00.000-04:00

an of aged blog

time to extinguish accusations of poots and speculations of secretions
the deep rooted dogma in me is like darth vader
everyone wants to be him right?
I don’t want to be a VADER
His half dead scorched flesh tangled with technology
A messy bag of bolts and force capacity
And the breathing
Every breath pounding on his armor shell gasping for real air a natural breath!
Yeah I used to make fun of the spiritual more charismatic tendencies of other parts of the church… called people “JESUS JEDIS”
Sign me up
I have been like VADER
I been like EUSTACE (see VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER)
EUSTACE a (literary)rat human child transformed by selfish greed into a wounded dragon
A dragon with flaking scales
Saved by one he mocked
THE ONE

So this post is a bit of coming of age for misadventuresofpooh
Potty trained
No more pooh
Going deeper
Pooh was an ice-breaker…

Time to be a history maker
Be closer to THE ONE
Be like the one
Rid myself of the dragon scales and droid made armor
Stop being a CHRISTIAN who only talks to GOD about the bad stuff of me
Time to dump the bad
Rid my being of baseless beliefs
I find my self asking the same questions my young summer soccer players ask that I do not for fear of being perceiving me as a heretic (I think the illusion of what I think other people are thinking of me will be in a blog soon…)

STAY WITH ME HERE!

Stop letting my flesh and gray matter dictate 99.9% of my existence
My life has been like VADER BREATHING and I am gasping for capacity
The SOUL KIND
And asking the question the psalmist asks:

psalm 24.3-5
who can climb MOUNT GOD?
who can scale the HOLY NORTH FACE?
only the clean-handed,
only the pure-hearted,
men who won't cheat,
women who won't seduce.

GOD is at their side;
with GOD's help they make it...

(from the MESSAGE)

it is deepen into the afternoon and i have not rested
it is a positive restlessness
weary eyes, shaking flesh
yet deeper composed
refining and revelation
two powerful words
one whole experience

summer soccer has been going on for months
young players restless with soccer
played kick ball
just having the field set up differently stirred the kids
a bit of change and yeah you can use your hands

i really struggled to come up with something KINGDOM
to talk about with the young students
my talker doesn't always work the best and so i like to prepare
so my mind and mouth are connected and prepared
honestly sought a WORD for HIS youngins
nothing
but it wasn't an uncomfortable nothing
something would happen

circled the students up
they tackled me
impressive teamwork
now for next week i can use my knockdown as a lesson of teamwork and one purpose: to knock mr. mark on his @**

so they are winded
woke up from summer time sleepin in
winded and yet wide eyed
waiting

still no fancy child-oriented-theology lessons or KID KINGDOM REVELATIONS
i request the students to quiet down and announce i am going to pray
ask some open-ended questions about prayer...

PRAYER: a youngling at church exclaimed: "GOD doesn't talk back to me!"

ooohhhhh.....there is the SOMETHING!
how does GOD talk to us?

an OPEN OPEN OPEN conversation
unmuddled by my theological agenda for the next generation
an open conversation
a KINGDOM CONVERSATION
my nothing
some JESUS something SOMETHING

"GOD doesn't talk back to me!"
a loaded statement
a question better than any answer i could ask the students

so the conversation:
"how does GOD talk to us"
full scope of student experiences and observations:
dreams
trees falling after getting struck with lightning "i think GOD was telling us we need to chop that tree down"
"my grandma ran out of gas on the side of the road and she prayed and then she turned her car on and made it to a gas station"

review those three:
dreams: PROPHECY & PERCEPTION
lightning: PROVIDENTIAL
gas: MIRACLE

ok we are missing one
me: “give ya a hint, starts with a “B”
the BIBLE
so yeah it is just a book of a bunch of middle-eastern people’s experience of GOD
no it is GOD’s WORD

the BIBLE thing has been getting me lately
kind of BIBLE BURNED OUT a bit ago
but now I am starved
part of me has atrophied

standing in front of those kids
reinforced all of their experiences
and with an atrophied soul-mind
flat out preached to them

GOD SPEAKS TO US THROUGH THE BIBLE
THEY ARE HIS WORDS NOT MANS
WORDS FOR US

The word of GOD is LIVING
Written a very long time ago but for today
It takes some imagination to comprehend the big idea of the BIBLE being LIVING
Told them that young ones like them have a greater capacity to imagine and that an imagination lead by the HOLY SPIRIT allows one to start to wrap their minds around the big ideas that are stumbling blocks to us cynical adults stressed out but bills and all the other rat race obstacles

Their eyes were still wide eyed and they had questions
It was a heavy moment so I asked them what they had for breakfast because at least I needed some space for this significant moment

…what did I learn? That moments, that questions like today impact
our future
their future
they did not walk away with all the right answers
they heard a great question
a scary question
a question that lead to SOMETHING
some Jesus SOMETHING

to be continued…..

DATA: travel log of "intercivic musings" trek to chicagoland

2006-07-30T21:25:00.000-04:00

a lot of life happened in chicago a seeming age ago
driving west a certain distance always causes a rapid beating heart of anticipation

i do not go on enough adventures for my likings so when i do get to go the little things gain some significance...

marit did all the driving
i attempted to do homework
forgot my camera
resorted to document the journey

left milan gas station at 1025(est)
starting mileage: 61065

0.5 bags of combos

3.5 slim jims (marit had the 0.5 and complained about the skin or wrapper around it)

900 cc water
710 cc diet coke

first potty break occured before jackson (culprit: me)
please see above fluid consumption and do the math

14 michigan state troopers

stevensville, mi
mcfattys around 1300 est
fueled civic
distance: 169 miles away from milan
gallons used 4.036
mpg: 41.9
continuing mileage: 61234

2 medium fries
1 big mac (minus pickle) marit
1 doublecheeseburger

plates:
2 california
3 minnesota (all on jettas)
1 iowa plate + big truck + big game hunter + 1 camo nextel

bm (before macdonalds)
3 emergent window openings (culprit: marit 3x)

3 right side passes

far too many semis
(what happened to our train system?)

17 minutes of nonstop rumble strips

24 construction workers
4 working construction workers
0 working construction workers excluding machine operators

untold outdated bumper stickers

tunes:
"United We Stand" Hillsong United
"The Chronicles of Narnia: TLWW" Harry Gregson-Williams
U2 playlist Oct. 24 & 25 detroit concert list

1338(est) crossed into indiana
14th michigan state trooper was turning around alomost exactly at state line
u2's "in the name of love" was playing

am (after mcdonalds): 2 emergent window openings (again marit "its the big mac talking!")

6 miles of white and orange construction barrels

1 right sided pass

lots of double deckered billboards in indiana

1352(est) extended emergent window opening
inter-civic air quality talks begin as GARY, IN draws close
(ironically "STUCK IN A MOMENT" was playing)

1359(est) chicago 59 miles according to sign

2 passenger sided "imaginary brakings"

1404(est) our journey veers off 94

1407(est) $0.30 invested in "smooth roads"
3 imaginary brakes used at first toll station and 2 multifocal flinches occur
recipe for indigestion...and GAS

as the rebel alliance (me) considers retaliation with this turn of gastro events
"LOVE AND PEACE OR ELSE" begins to play

1421(est) run out of radio stations for ipod connection

1424(est) $0.50 "chewie" picked a good lane

1427(est) cross chicago skyway
my respiration decrease to less than 8/min
my heart reat increases from the 50s to the 100s
all my childhood bridge nightmares slash through my brain
escpecially the one where my mom teaches me how to ride a bike on mackinaw bridge on a windy day and something unseen is chasing me

chicago skyline is lost in in atmospheric cocktail of humid july haze and industrial send off

1429(est) $2.50 Chicago Skyway Bridge Toll
cut off by graham cracker eating CA chick

$400 minimum fine (speed limit = 45mph)

1437(est) stopped to a roll

1445(est) crawling

1448(est) 1 tayshaun prince jersey
still no ben billboards

1450(est) outline of sears tower visible
hope arises as we bend towards the city and dan ryan

1453(est) most telling highway sign ever
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "NIGHT TIME IS THE RIGHT TIME FOR TRUCKS!"

1457(est) merge onto RYAN EXPRESSWAY and an electric sign informs us of a website
AVOIDTHERYAN.COM

1515(est) pass OHIO ST. EXIT (mark lentz trivia)

1426 cell phone time is now central time (cst)

1508(cst) arrive at hotel
ending mileage: 61346
miles traveled: 281
intercivic war avoided: untold, still lots of love

expecation far outweighs the weariness of this trek
it is almost time...

Abubakar: A personal history of Sierra Leone

2006-07-24T10:16:00.002-04:00

Lately my mind and heart have been drifting towards Africa and my friend Abubakar has come to mind often probably because of our many adventures and I miss my African friends...

Abubakar was a translator who I worked with while I was a photographer in The Gambia in 2000. We had a good friendship sometimes clouded with both of our unique cultural disillusion. On the weekend the pair of us went on adventures but this account took place one of the weekends I visited his compound. The dialogue of this piece is his account that I placed in an old journal that I used while in Africa. I re- read his vivid dialogue that I quickly scratched in that small candle lit room in West Africa

It is the time of West African night when fires start to dim and adults speak softly so the children can sleep. It is the time of night in The Gambia, when the mosquitoes come salvo after salvo against any bare-skin that they find. It is the time of night when Abubakar longs for Sierra Leone and like the stinging salvo of mosquitoes his soul is pounded by intense memories that challenge his rest, that challenge his being. Sadly, for Abubakar there is no mosquito netting for the soul.

Abubakar is a twenty-something Sierra Leonean trying to find his way in a foreign land. He is broad-shouldered and has a thick -muscular torso. Abubakar smiles through most of his days. He lives a chaotic life looking for jobs to buy food and pay the rent for his small little room. He is the only adult male who lives in his compound. His neighbors are mostly young children cared for by their young mothers and young grandmothers. Awa is the matriarch of the compound. Her eyes are kind but skeptical and when there is a disturbance within the compound her voice is the last voice heard. In the relational economy of the compound Awa is a mother figure to Abubakar and he is a strong male model for the young boys of the compound.

Awa...

The boys...

There is no remnant of sun in the hot, African air and Abubakar has wrangled the children up into the compound with a few shrill whistles alerting that it is time to come to bed. Most of the kids come quickly because they know that if Awa has to get them to come to bed it will be trouble. Some of the children depart each other for bed and brush closely past Abubakar too shy to hug him but in love with his kind strength and cannot resist respectful affection. The mothers stand in the doorways of the compound accounting for their youth and some mothers negotiate as some of their sons want to sleep over and the same for some of the girls. The children are not all siblings but they are brothers and they are sisters. Just as Abubakar is not their father but is. Abubakar yells into the next compound in Mandinka where some young adult males are blasting Rastafarian beats on speakers that sound like they will blow out any moment. Whatever Abubakar hollered quickly works and the night has become quiet.

Abubakar tells his story...

Abubakar shuffles down the outdoor covered walkway into his room. He lights a match and pulls a tall white candle from a strategic hole in the wall. He cups his hand and lights the candle and then holds the match to melt the wax on the bottom of the candle and he sets the candle on the floor. The hot wax quickly cools and the room has a steady and stable light source. Abubakar kicks off his thin worn flip-flops and crashes onto his sleeping mat. It looked like the lighting of the candle and the kicking off of the flip-flops is a daily ceremony for Abubakar. It is an unsaid ceremony into sadness. His smile is gone and his eyes no longer flicker joy but reverberate with agony. All the children of Awa’s compound are safe and peacefully resting but Abubakar is not sure of the state of his own mother and sister.

Abubakar is restless and cannot lie down. He sits on his mat with his back to the wall. The wall holds him up because the wait of this moment of worry is heavy. Abubakar is stilled in deep thought but the air around him is restless with unsaid fear. Abubakar’s voice ends the silence, “Innocent people are dying for nothing.” And so Abubakar began the personal history of Sierra Leone. Abubakar begins without any reference to time period. “My land was a peaceful land before the war against Britain Colonization.”

“Sierra Leone was contaminated with diamonds. So full, the people did not know what to do with it. So many diamonds who people used them for every day uses. In those days the British came to exchange salt with the chiefs: One cup of salt equals one person. One whole family from one village equals salt for the entire village.” In the beginning there is no emotion in Abubakar’s voice and his eyes stare off into nowhere as if he were looking back in time to make sense of the moment. Abubakar says that slave traders did their trading from the ships but the chiefs invited the slavers into their huts. When the traders finally came they stepped into the Chief’s house and were amazed at all the diamonds. Whenever Abubakar says the word diamond he doesn’t say the word like it is a beautiful treasure; he utters the word as if diamonds were a curse. The chiefs began to trade the diamonds for salt and the people of Sierra Leone began to understand the value of diamonds.

A Sierra Leone warrior named Booray realized that the white traders were taking away the treasures and people of his land. “This is mine, I will die for what is mine.” Abubakar speaks of gruesome battles between warriors and soldiers and that in 1856 Booray was betrayed and arrested. Before being cut to death Booray told his betrayer: “Because you betrayed me there will be no peace in this land.” Abubakar said that the land corrupted itself and that an long ugly era of Sierra Leone began: A vicious time when the people hoarded things and stole and sold and stole and resold.

Abubakar’s story shifts to the events of his lifetime. “Foday Sonko, a rebel leader started an attack in Quendo; slaughtered people like goats. He did not want to waste bullets so dull knives were used.” The pulse of the story is growing personal and emotion is creeping into the way Abubakar explains that Sonko justified his attacks because he did not like the Sierra Leonean President Momou. Abubakar tells that Sonko and his rebels continued to butcher people. “Lives were taken over time; lives that were Gods. Barbarians: That is how the war started.” Abubakar’s communication becomes fragmented and he pauses.

Abubakar is from the city Kono and he restarts the history tale from his origins. “Sonko went to Kono and burned all of Kono. My father had fifteen compounds and all were burned to dust. My mother said I should go. They burned everything that was hers. When my mom was fleeing the rebels killed my younger sister.” Abubakar is weary from telling this tale but he continued. “The rebels shot my sister in the leg and mom wouldn’t leave her. One of the rebels came and told her to leave or they both would be killed. The rebel finished Mariama. Mom came back to take her to burry her.” Abubakar’s room is silent and the candle is burned halfway to the floor.

“If I could tell you about the pain of the others you could not finish the book.” Abubakar struggles to focus as he speaks not of the pain of others but of the pain that he is in. “Its too much. Crazy. Now there are only three of us in my family. Right now my sister and mother are sleeping in a stadium- a tent. No house, no clothes and no communication with their son who is in The Gambia.” And with that Abubakar’s personal history of Sierra Leone ends.

The wick in Abubakar’s white candle has burned to a melted pool of wax and Abubakar’s story, a personal history of Sierra Leone ends in the place it began: A foreign land alone and haunted by the unknown.

eclectic times here and there

2006-07-20T08:35:00.000-04:00

the past couple weeks have been very busy

part of me feels thin but times like this consumes all the fat that blocks life

the world cup has been over for almost two weeks and i feel like my life has dimension once again
but is it a problem having life hijacked by soccer/football for a month?

got sick around the fourth of july. gut troubles. the only way i know how to describe my daily painful, raw experiences was imagine feeling a frosty machine about to explode in your inards and you use all your energy to get to the pot. lost about 10 pounds. enough about gastrowhateveritis

been thinking of africa a great deal lately. wrote of an experience that i had with a refugee from sierra leone. powerful flashback. also did a research paper on the healthcare crisis in sub-saharan africa. the crisis and the progress. where do i fit in?

have a great nursing school lead at university of detroit mercy. for two years i wavered about nursing school but the last couple months a sense of purpose has really solidified the target. to my friends thank you for putting up with my putrid wandering and wavering over this issue. it is time to knock on the door univ. detroit! 12 month program would start next may!

marit's transition as a grad nurse has been very positive. she has not come home stressed or overwhelmed. inspiring unsaid strength. she's the beauty!

wca soccer starts soon. i am disapointed my role is limited but am eager to teach the players some invaluable things i have discovered in the off season. hope to serve ross and empower the players.

summer soccer at church has been very positive. many young faces and students are hearing jesus' name.

getting some more photo gigs

night shift has been good to me so far
got home not too long ago
i am showered, cerealed, stretched
time to sleep and maybe dream

back to the dark side

2006-07-08T07:21:00.000-04:00

taken 15 june 2006 at 00:36:56 NIKON D70/LENS 80-200mm f/2.8
shot at 200mm for 10 seconds at f/22 ISO 200
panned tripod

this was my first week back to the dark side (night shift)

do not worry I am not using a red light saber now
although I would be open to double-wielding a red saber with my blue crystal saber

i like going to bed at 7am instead of getting to work then
and I like waking up around 5PM because that means I missed the rat race

from a work perspective I feel more in control of my routine on night however there is much more space to cover but the space is empty except for me, nurses and the patients

it was good to work day shift for a bit but day shift is a rat race to me and night shift is a marathon
more routine and space to get the job done not to mention significant less battles on the commute
not necessarily an easier job just a different job with a different tone and pace

marit's routine will be dramatically changing this week
tonight (saturday) and tommorow are her last shifts as tech
she will be starting as a GRAD NURSE!
AWESOME! HUGE, BEAUTIFUL STEP!
she is an awesome healer
MARIT'S
quiet, present strength
grace-peace-courage-nothing dents her-for real-she is my hero
wise eye
steady touch
calm just slightly accented voice and graceful natural unvain beauty
make her an awesome, AWESOME vessel of care

marit and my path will cross uniquely
it must
it will
and be well

the excess blogging is a result of the isolation of nights off which have had mixed productivity for school and photo jobs
i sense the blog taking a more other person direction...not pointing people out but embracing their thoughts and being not just my introspective chatter and pooh...there will be that too

if any of you pull an all nighter and need someone to get something from meijer buzz my cell or make an appointment if i am off i will more than likely comply and serve

well it is almost 8a
past my bed time
the sun is up
looks like it will be a beautiful day
to the bat cave

(the natural part of the dark side is being seperated from beauty by forces of nature and designations of time, the craft of the dark side is training your eyes to see beauty in a new light)

dog days of summer

2006-07-08T06:36:00.000-04:00

i suppose it is the dog days of summer now even though the heat and humidity have not been burdensome

in honor of the dog days

doesn't slaver all over much of anything
doesn't need to be custimarily taken out and then some
and only once in while does mitzi miss

pensive and pondering

kind cat

why i would want to be a cat if i were to be a domestic animal

a stray that stayed
eerie similarity to mitzi minus ten pounds

a very shy cat "blur"
(same cat as above)

had to use a long lens because i could only get within thirty feet or so

am i cat lover?
i confess love only for our cat and no other
she sure beats the dog days

boom

2006-07-08T02:51:00.000-04:00

tonight milan had fireworks

the milan masses and some of us milan country folk flooded the downtown, wilson park district to view the colorful explosions over ford lake and the milan sky

marit, angela, mrs. knight, trombley and ross and i sat on the edge (not really a shore) of ford lake

we chated and anticipated and soaked in the sounds and smells of a fair and growing crowds

our group sat directly in line with the launch island

the sky dimmed and suddenly the street lamps went out

it got quiet

milan's collective respiratory rate paused

a little boat came away from the island

two bright orange flares lit up a small open area on the island revealing two human silhouettes

milan grew restless as those with smaller breathing volumes gasped in anticipation

the sky lit up with colorful exploding dots after thuds and booms crashed into a clear sky

ford lake reflected the work of the island and catching the more spry embers gliding from a not too distant orbit

we were close enough to the island to see the two human silhouettes and the flares or torches touching and going treating milan to solo explosions and then duets and then sneaking streaking missles high into the sky

suprising and colorful echoing explosions shining in many eyes and sparking many smiles and happy cries

twenty minutes

twenty minutes of special effects unlike any we get to experience the other 360 something days of the year

pooh and porridge and uk permits

2006-07-07T04:44:00.000-04:00

going to miss you djibril cisse!

every now and then the adolescent nature of this blog takes over and i pout

so who flung pooh this week?

i mean somebody took a big dump i mean a really big healthy in my oatmeal while i was reading the sports section this week

i have already kindly ranted about bw becoming a bull and then i find out that my favorite all time footballer on fifa xbox is getting dumped by my favorite club

yes it looks like cisse is gone if you don't believe me...

benitez wants me out, says cisse

ugh...the fan is still flinging

and a dream job but no UK work permit for me...

liverpool website journalist

then i could pooh in people's porridge who trash talk liverpool because they are going to win all the cups next year...yes folks there is so much love in football that there are multiple meaningful cups

oh some positives for liverpool is that they signed brazilian left-back fabio aurelio and argentine center-back gabriel paletta
south american style and youth...

i guess you can find good news while reading the bad news (sometimes) but it is hard to get that pooh in your porridge taste out of your mouth

no more rebound row

2006-07-07T02:53:00.000-04:00

hear ye hear ye all pistons fans and palace residents:

now that bw is a bull what will take the place of rebound row?

what piston has a statistical tendency that a row could benefit from?

it doesn't even have to be a row, it could be an aisle, a bathroom stall...

bye big ben

2006-07-04T13:41:00.000-04:00

sports shock in detroit today and it is not the wnba

ben is a bull

it is even more a killer that he is staying in the same division...this might awaken more of a rivalry between the pistons/bulls

really enjoyed watching him take over as the face and heart of a team that lacked a solid identity for years and years

ben is in a big market now so we will still see him but seeing him as a bull...ugh
maybe he will get some remote control car deals over there

hope he stays happy and healthy...if he did not like carlisle is he going to like skiles? chicago media will not coddle him like detroit. he was a deal and a steal in motown now he is making mr franchise wages in chicago. maybe all the extra attention will motivate him to iron his free throws out. oh and maybe now that you have a bulls uni the refs will give you some calls ben

where is darko now? will joe shake things up and perhaps trade sheed before he is worthless and is expected to get some more boards and carry a real load without ben around? maybe sheed will step up. sheed is the only potentially big time guy that joe has been able to keep around: see grant hill, memo okur, gave up a shakey #2 pick and now bw

i guess the game is just a buisiness after all

thanks again ben

i guess it is always greener on the other side

oh and do you think ben's #3 will be retired in motown now? (mr davidson is a loyalty kind of guy: see isaiah and larry brown)

world cup semis

2006-07-03T04:23:00.000-04:00

well i was 50-50 in my final eight predictions and i wasn't even close on any of the scores

not bad for an american

it would have been nice to see england here but this is a very strong semifinal round and we should talk about the remaining teams and not the teams that did not make it

i am pulling for germany
lehman showed up for the pk final
i really admire jurgen klinsmann and the pace and passion of his team
people are critical of the german defense but they did what they had to against argentina

no more predictions i am just going to enjoy the final four games of this world cup
four great teams with story and style

i am already imagining going to the world cup in 2010 - south africa and the world cup is a beautiful combination
hopefully i will already be living somewhere in africa by then and perhaps the ship will target the world cup for that time

2010 will be remembered as the adu cup!

last eight

2006-06-28T00:11:00.000-04:00

brazil v. france:
a charming match
dida will be the difference in victory or defeat
henry’s time is now or…
how will zidane and other legends like cafu and ronaldo conclude their lore?
Brazil 3 - France 4

Argentina v. germany:
the “final match” before the final
i am going to warn you ESPN will talk about germany’s defense and they might be right but they have lehmann a sleeping giant thus far and when he is tested he will awake but will he awake in time?
this is my favorite matchup:
germany has been the most entertaining team to watch
argentina has been the most entertaining team to read about
names you will hear over and over: ballack, crespo, messi, klose… and germany’s little left back might make a play or so
Germany has emotion in this match and argentina has style
Argentina 1 – Germany 3

England v Portugal
the –ards v. the –gos
if this game were against the dutch I could talk about the traditional 4-3-3 that they play
i do not know much about Portugal…
imagaine if Portugal and spain were one nation they would be the brazil of Europe
england is scrappy…
portugal is hungry…
what gives?
lampard is due
rooney is due
an old soccer empire awakens
England 2- Portugal 1

Ukraine v. Italy
Shevchenko saves the day
Looks lopsided yes because Italy has a sexy team but Ukraine will become the cinderella team of the last week and a half of the cup
Ukraine 1 – Italy 0

june 22- nine to ten sky

2006-06-27T23:24:00.000-04:00

Jam Ankle

2006-06-27T14:05:00.000-04:00

woke up this morning and did some ice therapy on my lower extremities

thighs, calfs, ankles and then iced my back on the way to work

my trek to work (it involves more walking time than driving time)

walking up mount doom i realized that my ankles do not bend

imagaine walking in ski boots with...

played some soccer last night at the church field with and against some good kids and good friends

it was nice to have some space and team shape

it is a smaller field so control is really an issue

a fast field

my first shot...you know when you step on the field and just pound the ball from whatever spot it happens to be and i planted the first half of my foot into the top portion of a mole tunnel and the remainder of my foot got ball

jamming ankle sensation

today is a bottom to top event as i attempt to hide a limp

bent on making it

2006-06-25T14:31:00.000-04:00

david beckham will not be the scape goat for england's football team this world cup

beck's form and pace has not been the sharpest

but in all of england's three cup victories the difference in the game was backham's foot:

he put it in the right place against paraguay for the OG in 1-0 win

his cross to crouch for a header in the last 10 broke a deadlock against T & T

today against ecuador he banged it over the ecuadorian wall and down off the post

"It was an ugly performance but it was what we wanted and we'll take ugly performances," the England skipper told BBC Radio Five Live. "It was nice to silence a few people who have been critical. I can handle my criticism and I'll prove them wrong. It was a great feeling to get a goal and put us into the quarter-final."

england's 4-5-1 formation today played to the strength of the team

it is good to see guys like gerrard and lampard pushing up not far behind rooney with cole and beckham pushing up the flanks

it will be interesting to see what shape england will take against portugal or holland

the english have not been pretty or flashy but they are bent on making it

1 goal, 1 group point, "ghana"

2006-06-24T23:54:00.000-04:00

it is sad that the us soccer team is done at the world cup

espn.com declared the exit with the headline: "Going, going, Ghana!"

i am thankful that the team left germany with a goal of their own

it was a pretty strike finishing off a slick steal and perfect pass

i still hope

in my lifetime the us will make it to the world cup final

the team has youth, natural leadership and it has hunger

i appreciate what some of the vet players did for the national team

the olders players carry the scars of this nation's brutal soccer history

the next four years must be about cutting out the scar tissue so that youngblood can flow

flow and allow the youth core to play with pace and shape (not just passion) from end to end of the pitch

and past the group stage

for now go ghana!

seeing red, feeling blue and too many yellow refs

2006-06-18T22:08:00.001-04:00

i am going to throw out my old diadoras this week. no more italian boots for me. i will always respect the institution of italian football but from now on it is on. it is on and this is a positive development for us soccer. our players bled, saw lots of red and got the teams first point of the group stage. survival.

italy's pirlo has a fantastic foot; close to beck's. his restart strike to gilardino reminded me of the stunning first minute strike pirlo had to ac milan's skipper maldini against liverpool in the champion's final 2005. great set piece player now if only pirlo could stay on his feet and fight through a challenge...

de rossi you must have missed diving 101 and went to bill cartwright's elbow camp. thankfully brian mcbride still has his eye. thanks to you de rossi our kids in summer soccer were taught over and over again today to keep their arms down.

for those of you new to soccer and curious about the beautiful game. there is a difference between a foul and a yellow card and once upon a time an official would give a warning before jerking out a card. that is another conversation that i might leave to my buddy rg.

yesterday was an ugly day for fifa. a day latter i am a proud us soccer fan and i still love the game.

may images

2006-06-01T01:10:00.000-04:00

a proud day for norway in america

valde bra marit! (very good marit!)

kari and ole jorgen

words of brian houston from hillsong church, australia

2006-05-31T18:51:00.000-04:00

If you are going to become what you want to become you gotta stick to your visions and dreams and stick to your word. The Bible says “Let your yes be yes and your no be no.” Not just yes when it is going well but let your yes be yes when it is tough.

Stick to your job.
Stick to your faith.
Stick to your commitments.
Stick to your marriage vows.

Lets decide that we are going to become who God has called us to become.
Your commitment, your attitude to leaving, your attitude to being and your attitude to cleaving, determines what you become.
What becomes of your marriage, what becomes of your family, don’t take it for granted.
Don’t take it for granted that these dreams of yours will come to pass.
If you don’t leave certain mentalities I can tell you now that they won’t come to pass.

Leave
Be
Cleave
Become

Become all that God has called you to become.

Brian Houston

vocational pooh...arms of comfort

2006-05-31T16:48:00.001-04:00

i work at a hospital. i have a professional job title but the reality of what i do is two part: pooh crew and while i am not saving lives i invest in the quality of the patient’s day and the healing process.

pooh is the force with which i have met much vocational resistance...metaphorically speaking.

close friends know the tensions and questions of purpose i have experienced in relation to my pursuit of asspiring to become a nurse. the academic tension-jumping through the hoops of prerequisites, short admissions openings and long waiting lists. the bread and butter tension- midnight shift, day shift...craziness and boringness of going to work. spiritual tension- things with great worth met the most resistence. i am still on track to get into a nursing school.

why nursing? an unheard of question not long ago. i witnessed the power of nursing in africa. i was a photographer watching and documenting. i came back wanting to be more than a watcher. i wanted to be part of the healing process.

stateside i have often forgotten that desire to be part of the healing, while crawling through the mess of body fluids, painful anxiety and sleepless confusion of night shift both mine and the patients not to mention sleepy eyed doctors. MANY TIMES i have pressed the "code button" of nursing. dramatically and urgently attempting to amputate it from my system. but i cannot shake it. nursing is what i am supposed to do. not stateside no, but somewhere in africa. someday. someday soon.

stateside pooh crew is practice, i get an unlimited amount of personal protective latex gloves and i have working plumbing that takes the pooh far far away (there are nights when i leave the hospital and I could swear the huron river level has risen without rain but from the stank of my shift). in africa who knows if i will start with enough gloves and plumbing that works let alone plumbing that takes the mess away.

it is my shame that i have wandered and lost focus so many times. lost sight because of selfishness. an image in this weeks TIME brought it all back into focus.

The article is called The Deadliest War and the caption for the image: Arms of Comfort- At a hospital in Bunia, Congo, a mother tries to soothe her two young children suffering from malaria and dysentery.

anything but pooh

2006-05-31T15:24:00.000-04:00

(warning the following contains several uncouth, unsanctioned PG-13 medical terms)

so who flung pooh?
it is not exactly what it sounds like but it is
(some of you know me to be a “s*** magnet” but that’s a different conversation)

i have shied from blogging

(is that really a word yet? may need to update spell check)

because as it is i think our self that is aimed at media is saturated with so many memoirs
(autobiographies, personal agenda marketing, yack- yack-yack & blah-blah-blah)

who really cares?

for some reason most of us care and that is why humans attempt to engage (enrage) with others

we are defined by others:

tried the individualistic model of existence with all its “be true to yourself” rhetoric
(ridiculous rhetoric)

(gross generalization warning!)
as an individualistic vagabond one can’t stomach the fact they once needed training wheels because their personal paradigm is based on a radical “me first!” mentality and that is why it sells

“just because it sells, doesn’t mean it works” – anonymous, fictional infomercial producer

from my limited experience as one of the herd
we are defined by others in a powerful way
sometimes it is sweet intimacy
bitter pain

in poor man’s terms the works of Shakespeare were bitter sweet interpersonal exchanges
why does reality TV work so well?
And if you watched ya need an alliance to win

(another anonymous quote warning!)
it doesn’t sound trendy yet

“for the self it is more rich to be true to others”
-some simple proverb, hard to put words on

(personal memoir types of sentiment warning!)
I ventured to blog because I am betting that most of us have a part of us that is starving for
conversation, connection, contact

There must be lots of money in the personal ad industry
Just look at your email account’s junk box or
people are starved for conversation, connection, contact

when I hear the word “blog” an image of a make shift bridge develops in my mind
it is pretty simple and that is why I am testing the realm of blog
converse, connect, contact
I confess I sometimes listen to others so that they will listen to me
take a dump
blog

who flung pooh?